I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
