paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
