Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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