So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
