My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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