Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
