...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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