Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize