even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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