my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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