My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
