kristin has been a bad kristin
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize