Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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