Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
