Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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