i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
