Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize