She even gives head with a lisp.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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