i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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