Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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