you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
