Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
