It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
