I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
