Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
did you just send me my own nude
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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