Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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