it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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