Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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