God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
