I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
