Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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