hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
