actually, I'm a sock model
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
