Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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