so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
