six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
