I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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