Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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