She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize