were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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