guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
