This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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