We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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