she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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