I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
