hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
