She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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