I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
