did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
