i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
