He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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