i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
