I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i love accidental penises.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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