I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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