dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
