I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
