I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
