I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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