Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
