I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
