She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
