I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
