Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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