Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
