Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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