You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
40s are totally the cure
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
